I wish I knew if I was doing enough. I know he is having a hard time right now. He just lost a member of his family and I can't even pretend to understand how that feels. But I've tried to be there for him. So he can talk about it if he wants to. And I hope he knows I'd do anything if I thought it would make him feel better.

And I think because of that, because I'm trying to understand and be there for him, I think somehow that is making the fact that he seems to be holding back from doing the same for me feel worse. Because it feels awful. I feel like suddenly I'm living my life alone. And even though I try to explain why I'm sad, or scared, or terrible, part of me resents the fact that I need to explain at all. Why can't he just comfort me, and ask for explanations later. And why do I have to justify my feelings in order to get his support? It hurts so much.

He asked me what I wanted for Valentine's day tonight. And I couldn't answer. Because I truly think the day could have passed without notice on his part if I hadn't asked him what he wanted first. And none of this stuff makes him a bad person. He's a fantastic guy. He just doesn't understand, or even seem to want to sometimes, what I need when I'm feeling bad. He can feel bad, and he's justified. But when it's me...there never seems to be the right reason in his mind for me to feel bad. And I do know that he loves me. And this is all probably just "his way". But right now, I'm lonely and sad and I wish that I wasn't.