Very quick update...

I'm at mom and dad's.
I got here on Monday.
My nephew is gorgeous and very smart.
I can't be called 'Auntie' because he thinks that's my sister's name as he hardly sees me at all, and we look very similar so when there is two of us it is very confusing for an 18 month old.
That made me pretty sad, but I'll get over it.
I had my hair highlighted and cut last night.
My sister bought a minivan, and picked it up today. It's great, she loves it, and it's going to be so perfect for her family. My nephew thinks it's pretty great too!
I had my wedding dress fitted for it's bustle today, and that went well. Must lose a few more pounds.
My baby sister's house looks beautiful. They've been painting in preparation for the new baby, and are doing a fantastic job.
I miss N.

That's the update. I might make it prettier later, but for now this is as good as it gets.

This is very funny!

La la la lalala la la.

My sister ditched me.

But my mom is still coming tomorrow, and it'll be nice to have her all to myself for a few days. :) I'm really looking forward to it!

I'm feeling very anxious and uneasy, and I don't know why. I definitely don't like it though. I hate it when this happens.

I've been thinking a lot these past few days, about life, and different stages, and how we move through them, not always taking everything that was important with us. When I think about my wedding, and my friends that will be there, I'm amazed at how many of the important people throughout my life that won't be. And it's weird, because I don't need them to be there, I actually wouldn't even know what to say to some of them anymore, but looking back, I couldn't have got here without them. Isn't it a little strange how a friendship that almost held you together can somehow end up being just 'someone I knew when'? N will never even meet some of the people that changed my life. I guess I'm dwelling on some strange things lately. I'm learning that my life is really changing. For the better, of course, but I'm never going to have 'those times' again. Even tonight, it caught me off guard when a sad song started playing on TV. My mind started to react the way it would in the old days, trying to connect the song with some sad part of my life, and I realized that it's unlikely that I'll ever have those reactions again. There is just no 'sad part' of my life. And it's dumb, because it's a good thing, but something inside of me is going to miss that. Those late nights, staying awake listening to off-yourself music, crying and drinking too much wine. Those broken hearted tear stained nights. I'm never going to have anymore. And even though I'm happier than I ever have been, it's still sort of sad knowing that they're be gone forever. Not that I think we won't have our problems, and I won't have my share of tears. I just don't think I'll be identifying with any brokenhearted love songs anytime soon.

Weird. Maybe it's the rain. Or something like that.

If only my sister would just make up her mind. She's either coming, or she isn't. It's really that simple.

It's me again. I know, 2 days in a row, you must think I have something wonderful to say! I don't. I just am trying to be so very quiet in the mornings right now that there's not that much to do. I'm very pleased about my sister's baby counter. It actually seems to be working. Now let's just hope it stays in the right spot.

N is working some terrible shifts right now. This week is the worst. He actually starts at 10pm, but goes in at 8pm to make sure everything is ready. Then he doesn't get home until after 5.30am! I try and make sure he sleeps until at least 2, but yesterday I managed to be so quiet that he slept until after 4! Next week he works 5pm until 1am, which seems better but I know my N and that means that he'll still be awake enough to put in extra hours to make sure every thing is done perfectly. He also worked the entire Easter weekend, one night from 10am until 5.30am the next morning. Crazy perfectionist. The reason for all the weird hours is that the office is moving, finally, to a decent building. One that's new! It's closer to the apartment, and on the 2nd floor instead of the 14th. You might think that isn't a good trade as you don't get much of a view on the second floor, but if you've ever waited for elevators in an old busy office building you'd totally understand. He's moving from here, to here. Trust me, I know the website for Harbour Centre looks good , but really, the offices themselves do not.

I'm considering having my resume done professionally, again. I had it done before I actually left my old job, but I don't think she did that great a job. And I've tried to revamp it myself, but still am not getting the response I should be. It has to be the reason that I haven't had many replies, because I have applied for a TON of jobs, but I never hear from any of them. And I know that I am an asset to any company I work for. So, it just seems like it's time to try another tactic. I'm looking at a company in the states right now, as I did the local search before, and it turned up the person I originally chose. If anyone has any suggestions, or other tips, please feel free to comment.

170 days until September 26, 2004. (!)

Don't you wish you were here?

Oh yah! I forgot about the new dog! We went out to his mom's last weekend, to look around for the wedding, and we got to meet Toby, the new puppy! He is SO cute, and so full of love, I think that he's a great addition to the family.

Puppies make me happy!

I think I was going to write about Easter. And how, for some reason, it is usually a very hard time of the year for me. It has been the time during the year where I am usually at my lowest, and I always anticipate it with caution. However, when I sat down to write about it, I promptly forgot (see below), which must be a good sign. And when I remembered, I read the archives from last April and discovered that it was a pretty good month for me overall. So now, I'm looking forward with a big huge smile on my face! Seriously. Huge. I think I might even make a ham for Easter dinner, and colour eggs again. N and I have done it the last 2 years in a row now, and it's fun. We make ugly eggs, but if we keep practicing...

It's April. And absolutely beautiful. And soon I will be working again! How's that for wishful positive thinking?! In other news, well...There's not a lot of other news. No more nightmares, but N and I are better again too, and that always makes a huge difference.

Argh. I thought I had stuff to say. My brain is blank. I might be back later...