I'm feeling very anxious and uneasy, and I don't know why. I definitely don't like it though. I hate it when this happens.

I've been thinking a lot these past few days, about life, and different stages, and how we move through them, not always taking everything that was important with us. When I think about my wedding, and my friends that will be there, I'm amazed at how many of the important people throughout my life that won't be. And it's weird, because I don't need them to be there, I actually wouldn't even know what to say to some of them anymore, but looking back, I couldn't have got here without them. Isn't it a little strange how a friendship that almost held you together can somehow end up being just 'someone I knew when'? N will never even meet some of the people that changed my life. I guess I'm dwelling on some strange things lately. I'm learning that my life is really changing. For the better, of course, but I'm never going to have 'those times' again. Even tonight, it caught me off guard when a sad song started playing on TV. My mind started to react the way it would in the old days, trying to connect the song with some sad part of my life, and I realized that it's unlikely that I'll ever have those reactions again. There is just no 'sad part' of my life. And it's dumb, because it's a good thing, but something inside of me is going to miss that. Those late nights, staying awake listening to off-yourself music, crying and drinking too much wine. Those broken hearted tear stained nights. I'm never going to have anymore. And even though I'm happier than I ever have been, it's still sort of sad knowing that they're be gone forever. Not that I think we won't have our problems, and I won't have my share of tears. I just don't think I'll be identifying with any brokenhearted love songs anytime soon.

Weird. Maybe it's the rain. Or something like that.