I hardly ever post these days, sorry. I probably don't have any readers left, so I guess it doesn't really matter though.

We're 32 weeks along in our pregnancy now, which normally would be pretty inconsequential. However, due to the complications that have arisen, we're pretty happy to reach 32 weeks, and holding our breath for each successful day we hope will follow.

I have placenta previa, and it's a pretty serious complication. If you don't believe me, Google it in the third trimester. I try not to anymore as I spend too much time being VERY scared that things will go horribly amok when this baby comes. I'll probably end up deleting this post tomorrow, or at least seriously editing it, but for now I'm trying to see if writing things down help me feel a little better.

I am now on bed rest until the end of the pregnancy. Have been since the day before my birthday. That was also the day of my first steroid injection, with the second injection falling on my birthday. The steroids are to help the baby's lungs develop quicker, in case a bleed start s and they have to take him early in order to try to save my life. See? How scary is that? We were also asked to decide how long to wait (if I'm hemorrhaging) before performing a hysterectomy. Apparently the more ways they try to stop the bleeding before removing my uterus, the more at risk I am for dying. That was fun to find out too. We both just said that if I am at risk, to go straight to the hysterectomy. As sad as it is to think that there would be NO chance of anymore children, I'd rather raise the two I'll have, than risk them growing up without a mother, and N without a partner.

The thing about the bed rest is this: it's not really going to fix anything. I'm technically just waiting for the bleeding to start, and the rest is just in hopes that it will delay it in order for the baby to have more time to develop. So I lie here like a ticking time bomb, wondering all the time if it's going to start now. I have to say, it's pretty unnerving.

N arranged to work from home, as long as it continues to work for his company. That helps a lot, as I can no longer pick up C (or pretty much anything else heavier than a book), and can't cook, do laundry, put C in his highchair or crib, etc. And my parents were here this past week for 5 days. They just left yesterday morning, and I realized just how scared I am after they were gone. I am trying to be as brave as I can be though, as I know it's really hard on N too. He has to do EVERYTHING right now. And worry about his wife and unborn son. So... that's us. In a nutshell I guess.

I have lots to be thankful for. I'm very healthy, besides this previa, and so are the rest of my family. Each day without bleeding gives our son one more day to develop. My husband is able to work from home. My friends check on me and help to keep my spirits up. We have a roof over our heads, presents for under our tree, and more than so many others. And that's what I try and focus on. It's just sometimes the fear gets the best of me. But I'm doing my best to stay positive, even if this post sounds terrible. I apologize, I'm just trying to get this stuff out of my head.




PS
The weekend after the bed rest started my Nana died. She fell on the Saturday while doing her laundry, and broke her hip and shoulder. On the Sunday they stabilized her pain, and scheduled hip surgery for Tuesday. On Sunday night, her kidneys failed and she died just after 11pm on Monday, December 10. It was so fast, and I know that was a blessing, but it makes it hard to accept when she was just fine, doing well, and then gone. My mom is coping okay, but it might be a hard Christmas for her. Nana was 94.